Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt
and a leaky tire.

A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.

Things the movies taught you:
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.

Everyone rises to their level of incompetence.

A man's reach should exceed his grasp.
- Robert Browning

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

If you aren't filled with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm
- Vince Lombardi

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education
- Mark Twain

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
- Jules Renard

If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.

An eye for an eye would make the whole world blind
- Mahatma Gandhi

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

It's easy as 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841

All it takes to fly is to hurl yourself at the ground... and miss.
- Douglas Adams

Why Men Drink Beer
Ever wonder why men drink so much alcohol? This is why. View

The Burglar and The Parrot
A Burglar breaks into a house and is spooked by a Parrot named Moses. From here, he gets another interesting spook. View

Bubba and Jimmy Joe
Bubba sounds like a dumb name, but look who has the new truck View

Did You Ever Wonder?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say: I think I will squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out? View

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